Cockroach Theory

Have you heard of the Cockroach Theory for Self Development?
 
At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady. She started screaming out of fear. With a panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.
Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky.
The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away but ...it landed on another lady in the group.
Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama.
The waiter rushed forward to their rescue.
In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter.

The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt. When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers and threw it out of the restaurant.
Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior?
If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed?
He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.

It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies.

I realized that, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss or my wife that disturbs me, but it's my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me.

It's not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my
inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me.

More than the problem, it's my reaction to the problem that creates chaos in my life.

Lessons learned from the story: Do not react in life ...  Always respond.

The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded.
Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always well thought of, just and right to save a situation from going out of hands.

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Become internally driven ,not externally driven

One day, if someone gets up on the right side of the bed and calls me and says, "You are the greatest person on earth. You are doing a great job and I want you to know I am honored to call you a friend," I know he is sincere. How does it make me feel? Great.

 But the next day, he gets up on the wrong side of the bed, picks up the phone and

says, "You rascal, you cheat, you crook! You are the biggest fraud in town." How does it make me
feel? Terrible.

So the first day when he says "you are the greatest guy," I feel great and the next day
when he says "you rascal," I feel terrible. 

Who is controlling my life? Obviously, he is. Is that the way I want to go through life? Not at all. That is being externally driven.
I want to be internally driven. When he calls me and says I am the greatest guy, it is good to hear those words. But even if he doesn't say those words, in my own estimation, I am still a good human being. And the next day when he rips me apart, he can't really, because in my own estimation, I am still a good human being. When people make statements like, "You make me angry," the focus of control is external. But if I say I am
angry or I choose to be angry, the focus of control is internal.

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.
There is a story about an ancient Indian sage who was called ugly names by a passerby. The sage listened unperturbed till the man ran out of words. He asked the man, "If an offering is not accepted, who does it belong to?" The man replied, "It belongs to the person who offered it." The sage said, "I refuse to accept your offering," and walked away, leaving the man dazed. The sage was internally driven........Are you????

 

 

 

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You are ready to pass

Sometimes when something bad happens,

we feels very bad and normally driven by bad mood.....

 In those times you need most yourself to take control of you...

You need to get your mind out of bad events to give space for good events to embrace you....

Don't make any excuse, because you do not have any options except this... 

    Don't lose hope ...

If god has put you through, he will get you through also ...

This is my life experience ... 

Trust Allah ... 

Trust yourself ...

You are ready to pass any difficulties in life ... 

:) :) :)

 

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Are Your Thoughts Killing You ?!!

 Are Your Thoughts Killing You ?!!

Your thoughts are not real ...

Surprised !!! OK :)

Let me explain it ....Your thoughts are your own imaginations, just like your dreams ..... Suppose you are in sleep and having a dream it appears real till the moment you get up .... similarly your mind produce more than 50000 thoughts in a day , and most of them are never true .... 

Suppose you called a dear friend,and he did not pick up a phone, Now following thoughts will creep in your mind, he is ignoring me, other things are more important than my call, or a fear that something is happened to him and most of the the time the reality is, he is away from the phone so he could not pick it up .... Now by the time you knew reality,you have stressed yourself enough,without any reason and you have produced all type of thoughts and troubled your already troubled mind .... 

Don't imagine things ,Most of them actually are redundant thoughts, which is destroying your inherent intelligence ..... The best thing is do not sit idle to produce these thoughts, get yourself involved in any activity and absorb yourself in that and enjoy the process ..... 

More busy you are in anything,lesser time to have any thoughts.....Seems difficult !!! 

Remember when you were child and learning to walk, you fell many times, but you did get up,so WHY NOW????......Every thing is difficult before it becomes easy....

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Dealing with mistakes ..

Here is a simple 3 step approach for dealing with mistakes.

Step 1: Admit that you made a mistake

First admit you made a mistake to yourself. Then, if there is someone else involved, admit you made a mistake to them and apologise. The words, "I made a mistake and I’m sorry" are a great first step to resolving a conflict.
Denying that you made a mistake does not solve anything and simply prolongs the negative energy associated with the situation.

Step 2: Identify the lesson that comes with your mistake

The good news is that every mistake comes with a built in lesson that can help you improve your life in the future. To find your hidden lesson ask yourself, "What can I learn from this situation?"
By finding the hidden lesson within your mistake, you immediately transform the situation from a negative experience to a useful learning experience.

Step 3: Forgive yourself and let it go

All too often we dwell on our mistakes and continue to beat ourselves up over what happened. Once you have admitted your mistake and identified the lesson it carries, let go of the mistake, forgive yourself and move on. If a similar situation arises in the future, you are now better prepared to choose the right course of action.

Difficult but not impossible,give a try next time...:)

 

 

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Love yourself ...

Don't be too hard on yourself .

There are plenty of people willing to do that for you.

Love yourself and be proud of everything that you do.

Even mistakes mean you are trying.

There is always something to be thankful for .

Life is short, think positive .. You are worth it ...

Beautiful things happen in your life when you distance yourself from all negative thoughts .

Love yourself ... Be Happy ... and keep going on :) 

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How Rich Are We ?!!

One day a father and his rich family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose to show him how poor people can be. They spent a day and a night on the farm of a very poor family. When they got back from their trip, the father asked his son, “How was the trip?” “Very good Dad!” “Did you see how poor people can be?” the father asked. “Yeah!” “And what did you learn?”

The son answered, “I saw that we have a dog at home, and they have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden; they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lamps in the garden; they have the stars. Our patio reaches to the front yard; they have a whole horizon.” When the little boy was finished, his father was speechless. His son added, “Thanks, Dad, for showing me how ‘poor’ we are!”

Isn’t it true that it all depends on the way you look at things? If you have love, friends, family, health, good humor and a positive attitude towards life — you’ve got everything! You can’t buy any of these things. You may have all the material possessions you can imagine, provisions for the future, etc.; but if you are poor of spirit, you have nothing!

 

                                                                                                    Unknown Author 

                                                                         
                                     

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Improve your personality

As we talked before about developing our characters or personalities and mentioned the main principals that we must take in consideration , today we are going to talk about how to improve our personalities or simply, the ways by which we can accomplish enhancing our characters or personalities.

Be a better listener:

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was considered one of the most charming women in the world because she cultivated the skill of being an exceptional listener. She was known for the way she would look a person in the eyes,  hang on their every word, and make them feel important. There is nothing more appealing than having someone listen to you intently making you feel like you're the only person in the world.
  
Read more and expand your interests:

The more you read and cultivate new interests, the more interesting you are to others. When you meet new people it gives you the opportunity to share what you know and to exchange your views with them. 

Be a good conversationalist:

This relates to how much you read and know. Once you have much to contribute, learn how to talk about it with others. No one can read about or know everything, so it's refreshing to learn from others those things we don't have the time to about read ourselves. If you happen to be shy, join a group lthat encourages you to talk about what you know.

Have an Opinion:

There is nothing more tiresome than trying to talk to someone who has no opinion on anything. A conversation has nowhere to go if you have nothing to expound on. If, however, you have an uncommon point of view or differing opinion, you are more interesting and stimulating to be with socially (unless you're a know-it-all, of course).  A unique outlook expands everyone's perspective.
  
Meet New People:

Make the effort to meet new people especially those unlike you. It not only exposes you to different cultures and alternative ways of doing things, it broadens your horizons. 

Be yourself:

The next most tiresome thing after having no opinions is trying to be something you're not. Molding yourself in order to fit in, or be accepted, usually backfires. Since each of us is unique, expressing that uniqueness is what makes us interesting. Attempting to be a carbon copy of someone else not only falls flat, but reveals a lack of authenticity.
  
Have a positive outlook and attitude:

Who wants to be around people who are negative, complain a lot, or have nothing good to say? In fact, most of us run when we see them coming. Instead, be the kind of upbeat person who lights up a room with your energy when you enter it. Do it by looking for the best in people and things. Smile warmly, spread good cheer, and enliven others with your presence.

Be fun and see the humorous side of life:

Everyone enjoys the company of someone who makes them laugh, or smile, so look for the humorous, quirky side in a situation - there always is one. Comic relief is a much welcome and needed diversion at times. When you can add fun and lightheartedness to an otherwise dull or gloomy setting, others will naturally be attracted to you, not to mention grateful.
  
Be supportive of others:

Being supportive is probably the most endearing quality you can integrate into your personality. Just as you yourself welcome it, be the support for others when they need it. We all love a cheerleader in our corner; someone who is encouraging, believes in us and helps pick us up when we're down.
  
Have Integrity and treat people with respect:

Being honest and true to your word will bring you the admiration, respect and gratitude of others. Nothing improves a person's personality more than integrity and respect - respect for others, as well as respect for yourself.

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Develop Your Character

There is no doubt that as we live, we should strive to improve our characters in order to have a "good character" or a" good personality", so we can be likeable, interesting and all people are pleased to be with us, also to reflect happiness and positivity to our surroundings ...


Also, believe in that you can choose to develop your personality either to good or bad ... strengthen and improving it is under your own control , only you who can allow you character to be enhanced.

To start developing your character, consider the following tips in your mind.

Remain flexible  

 

Most people don't like change, and character change can be painful and uncomfortable. When starting the character-building process, remember that your efforts could turn out just as you planned, better than you anticipated, worse than you expected, or just plain different.

Solicit honest feedback about your existing character

 

Asking for frank and sincere feedback requires openness and vulnerability. This means that you can and most likely will get your feelings hurt. When this happens, don't brood or sulk; look for truth in the feedback that can be used to build your character-not tear it down.

Learn from your failures

 

 Admit it and accept appropriate responsibility for any failures you make. Do not blame others. If possible, repair any damage, fix the problem, and set the situation right. Identify key lessons learned from every mistake or failure for future improvement.

Make tough ethical decisions

 

Improving your character inevitably requires taking a hard stand on moral issues. You may have to swallow your pride, deal with unfairness and be unpopular when making good decisions involving difficult issues.

Handle success properly

 

 Success tests a person's character better than failure does. If you define success based solely on how many possessions you have; how much money you have in the bank, and fame or achievements; you are in danger of weakening your character.

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Be a smooth talker (Improve your conversation skills)

It's known that one of the best ways to connect with people and build quality relationships is through making conversation. Although most people can hold a conversation, only a few are smooth and charismatic when they talk.

and here they are the most simple and effective ways to be a smooth talker.

1. Talk slowly

Typically, good talkers don’t rush into a conversation. They take their time when they reflect on something and when they say it out loud. They act as if they have all the time in the world. This makes them come off as centered and collected. Model this way of talking and you will create the same effect.

2. Hold more eye contact

Most people keep eye contact about 2/3 of the time or less when they talk. In my experience, it’s a very good idea to hold eye contact just a bit more than that. This will convey confidence and interest in interacting with them.

3. Notice the details

People with good conversation skills tend to notice the kind of things that the average person doesn’t notice, and to bring such details into the conversation. They may notice and point out an interesting ring on the other person’s hand, a certain foreign accent, or a certain voice tone they use when saying a name. Thus, such individuals impress people in a very elegant manner.

4. Give unique compliments

Anybody can pay a generic compliment to try and get another person’s appreciation. Charismatic people on the other hand are able to really pay attention to others, to look beyond the facade and thus, pay unique compliments. Do the same and besides wooing others, you may even help them find out things about themselves they didn’t know.

5. Express your emotions

It’s very rare to meet a person who is comfortable talking about their emotions and how certain things make them feel, especially with strangers. Yet this way of talking is a real virtue. Don’t just present the facts, you’re not a newspaper. Express your feelings about those facts. Keep in mind that it is at the emotional level that people connect best.

6. Offer interesting insights

Anybody can talk about the news or express basic opinions. But good talkers can frequently tell you things you didn’t know and that you’ll find fascinating. This is why it’s good to have knowledge into fields such as psychology or sociology, and bring such knowledge out at the right moments in a conversation.

7. Use the best words

The ability to talk smoothly has a lot to do with choosing the precise words to convey your precise feelings or thoughts. Constantly develop your vocabulary and practice communicating as accurately as possible. It will help you develop a way with words and allow you to express yourself more easily.

 

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